THE IMPACT OF ATTITUDE
Attitude is the second essential criteria in choosing a spouse. Attitude is a person's vantage point, the way he or she looks at and reacts to life. For the Christian, this involves more than mere positive thinking. A godly attitude involves God-centered, Bible-based thinking-working to view ourselves, others, and our circumstances from God's perspective. The following are a few key ways that godly attitudes are expressed: An attitude of willing obedience to God. As you seek a mate, look for someone who will listen and act without hesitation to what God is telling him or her. You want someone with an attitude like David's, saying to God, "I will hurry, without lingering, to obey your commands" (Psalm 119:60, NLT). An attitude of willing obedience recognizes the lordship of Jesus in every area of life. Is the person you're interested in consistently looking for ways to submit more of his or her life to God? Does he or she work to overcome bad habits? Is this person being conformed to todays culture, or does he or she push against it, seeking to be transformed into Christ's image? Are you working to develop an obedient attitude in your own life? You'll never be perfect or find a perfect mate-we're all sinners--but only people with an attitude of willing obedience to God's Word will continue to grow in godliness and maturity throughout their lives. An attitude of humility. An attitude of humility considers others' needs first. The Bible states, "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves" (Philippians 2:3). Does the person you're observing place the needs of others before his or her own? Watch the small things. When he's on the basketball court, how does he act? Even in competition does he seek to serve others? How does she respond when conflict arises in her family? Is she quick to blame the other party or humble enough to share blame and seek resolution? And how do you handle these situations? One of the things I respect most about my dad is his willingness to humble himself before my mom and the rest of my family by confessing sin. If he has spoken a harsh word or acted uncaringly, he doesn't hesitate to seek forgiveness. A lesser man can't do this. Two people don't keep a marriage strong because they never make mistakes; they keep a marriage strong by maintaining an attitude of humility that is quick to confess sin, put the other first, and seek forgiveness. An attitude of industriousness. Don't judge a person by his or her line of work, but do take note of the attitude with which this person approaches work. An attitude of industriousness is one of willingness to work hard at whatever task presents itself. Bill Bennett writes: "Work.. is not what we do for a living but what we do with our living.. .the opposite of work is not leisure or play or having fun but idleness--not investing ourselves in anything." In Proverbs 31:17 the noble wife is described as someone who "sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks." (of course industriousness is important for both men and women.) Look for someone who energetically invests his or her life in something important right now. Strive for this attitude in yourself, too. An attitude of contentment and hopefulness. An attitude of contentment and hopefulness is one that recognizes God's sovereignty in every situation. It is faithbirthed optimism that looks to God--an attitude more aware of and grateful for the evidence of God's grace than of problems needing correction. Here are a few important questions to ask about the person you're observing as well as about yourself: Does this person have complaint or praise on his or her lips? Does he or she nitpick at the faults of others or consistently encourage? Does this person view his or her circumstances with a spirit of hopelessness, or does he or she remain confident of God's faithfulness? Early in his marriage, the Reverend E. Very Hill and his wife, Jane, faced financial difficulty. He had foolishly invested in a service station, and the business had failed. Money was very tight. Dr. Dobson, who heard Reverend Hill share their story at Jane's funeral, recounts it this way: Shortly after the fiasco with the service station, E. V. came home one night and found the house dark. When he opened the door, he saw that Jane had prepared a candlelight dinner for two. "What meaneth thou this?" he said with characteristic humor. "Well," said Jane, "we're going to eat by candlelight tonight." E. V. thought that was a great idea and went into the bathroom to wash his hands. He tried unsuccessfully to turn on the light. Then he felt his way into the bedroom and flipped another switch. Darkness prevailed. The young pastor went back to the dining room and asked Jane why the electricity was off. She began to cry. "You work so hard, and we're trying," said Jane, "but it's pretty rough. I didn't have quite enough money to pay the light bill. I didn't want you to know about it, so I thought we would just eat by candlelight." Dr. Hill described his wife's words with intense emotion: "She could have said, "I've never been in this situation before. I was reared in the home of Dr. Caruthers, and we never had our lights cut off." She could have broken my spirit; she could have ruined me; she could have demoralized me. But instead she said, "Somehow or another we'll get these lights on. But let's eat tonight by candlelight."" Tears come to my eyes every time I read this story. Mrs. Hill's optimism and readiness to walk through tough times with her husband exemplify the two qualities I desire in my own life and pray for most in a wife. I'm looking for someone who will light candles, not just curse the darkness.
Attitude is the second essential criteria in choosing a spouse. Attitude is a person's vantage point, the way he or she looks at and reacts to life. For the Christian, this involves more than mere positive thinking. A godly attitude involves God-centered, Bible-based thinking-working to view ourselves, others, and our circumstances from God's perspective. The following are a few key ways that godly attitudes are expressed: An attitude of willing obedience to God. As you seek a mate, look for someone who will listen and act without hesitation to what God is telling him or her. You want someone with an attitude like David's, saying to God, "I will hurry, without lingering, to obey your commands" (Psalm 119:60, NLT). An attitude of willing obedience recognizes the lordship of Jesus in every area of life. Is the person you're interested in consistently looking for ways to submit more of his or her life to God? Does he or she work to overcome bad habits? Is this person being conformed to todays culture, or does he or she push against it, seeking to be transformed into Christ's image? Are you working to develop an obedient attitude in your own life? You'll never be perfect or find a perfect mate-we're all sinners--but only people with an attitude of willing obedience to God's Word will continue to grow in godliness and maturity throughout their lives. An attitude of humility. An attitude of humility considers others' needs first. The Bible states, "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves" (Philippians 2:3). Does the person you're observing place the needs of others before his or her own? Watch the small things. When he's on the basketball court, how does he act? Even in competition does he seek to serve others? How does she respond when conflict arises in her family? Is she quick to blame the other party or humble enough to share blame and seek resolution? And how do you handle these situations? One of the things I respect most about my dad is his willingness to humble himself before my mom and the rest of my family by confessing sin. If he has spoken a harsh word or acted uncaringly, he doesn't hesitate to seek forgiveness. A lesser man can't do this. Two people don't keep a marriage strong because they never make mistakes; they keep a marriage strong by maintaining an attitude of humility that is quick to confess sin, put the other first, and seek forgiveness. An attitude of industriousness. Don't judge a person by his or her line of work, but do take note of the attitude with which this person approaches work. An attitude of industriousness is one of willingness to work hard at whatever task presents itself. Bill Bennett writes: "Work.. is not what we do for a living but what we do with our living.. .the opposite of work is not leisure or play or having fun but idleness--not investing ourselves in anything." In Proverbs 31:17 the noble wife is described as someone who "sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks." (of course industriousness is important for both men and women.) Look for someone who energetically invests his or her life in something important right now. Strive for this attitude in yourself, too. An attitude of contentment and hopefulness. An attitude of contentment and hopefulness is one that recognizes God's sovereignty in every situation. It is faithbirthed optimism that looks to God--an attitude more aware of and grateful for the evidence of God's grace than of problems needing correction. Here are a few important questions to ask about the person you're observing as well as about yourself: Does this person have complaint or praise on his or her lips? Does he or she nitpick at the faults of others or consistently encourage? Does this person view his or her circumstances with a spirit of hopelessness, or does he or she remain confident of God's faithfulness? Early in his marriage, the Reverend E. Very Hill and his wife, Jane, faced financial difficulty. He had foolishly invested in a service station, and the business had failed. Money was very tight. Dr. Dobson, who heard Reverend Hill share their story at Jane's funeral, recounts it this way: Shortly after the fiasco with the service station, E. V. came home one night and found the house dark. When he opened the door, he saw that Jane had prepared a candlelight dinner for two. "What meaneth thou this?" he said with characteristic humor. "Well," said Jane, "we're going to eat by candlelight tonight." E. V. thought that was a great idea and went into the bathroom to wash his hands. He tried unsuccessfully to turn on the light. Then he felt his way into the bedroom and flipped another switch. Darkness prevailed. The young pastor went back to the dining room and asked Jane why the electricity was off. She began to cry. "You work so hard, and we're trying," said Jane, "but it's pretty rough. I didn't have quite enough money to pay the light bill. I didn't want you to know about it, so I thought we would just eat by candlelight." Dr. Hill described his wife's words with intense emotion: "She could have said, "I've never been in this situation before. I was reared in the home of Dr. Caruthers, and we never had our lights cut off." She could have broken my spirit; she could have ruined me; she could have demoralized me. But instead she said, "Somehow or another we'll get these lights on. But let's eat tonight by candlelight."" Tears come to my eyes every time I read this story. Mrs. Hill's optimism and readiness to walk through tough times with her husband exemplify the two qualities I desire in my own life and pray for most in a wife. I'm looking for someone who will light candles, not just curse the darkness.
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